day twenty-three :: dear santa
I wrote this at the beginning of the month (well, the ‘Saurus did, since it’s obviously his letter to Santa) but then this one from The Ugly Volvo started circulating the internet. Turns out, her baby wants the exact same things as mine, and with the same verocity, and her baby is funnier. Mine’s a pretty serious, but good natured, fellow when it comes to words – eloquence isn’t his forte. (pssst – he doesn’t talk yet and this is all sarcasm in case you missed it.) Naturally, I had a mom-crisis moment: “Oh no! My baby isn’t funny!” “How will he survive?!” “What if all of his jokes sound like the back of a laffy taffy?” I’m ridiculous – my poor kid. But then he decided to play trampoline in his Pack and Play (think WWE wrestling, complete with sound effects and bouncing off the walls) so I decided he might be okay after all. And he could go ahead and send his letter to Santa, even though other kids want the same things and he’s not very witty.
I’ve been mostly pretty good this year. Sometimes it’s hard to be a baby but most of the time it’s pretty easy. I’m really good at the basics (eating, sleeping, growing, pooping, falling). Since I’ve been so good this year, Mama said I can send you my Christmas list.
This year, I’d love for you to bring me the following:
A waitress. I really like those. They’re nice and pretty and laugh at my tricks and I’d like to have one around all the time.
A computer. These are fascinating. Mama says I’m not allowed to use hers anymore after that cheerio and milk incident so I’m going to need my own because right now I don’t have any place to put my snacks.
Anything small and shiny and made of metal would be wonderful. I’m not supposed to put things like that in my mouth, but this is Christmas, after all, and I’ve been longing for this for months now.
Boots. Not for wearing, but for chewing. If you can find me some just like Mama’s work boots (or maybe just put hers in my stocking), I’d really appreciate it.
Get Mom and Dad to stop kissing and cuddling me all the time. I’m a man. Men don’t need that stuff. (Just kidding, Santa, I just said that so the girls will think I’m tough – I actually really like cuddling.)
A trashcan. It’s a mysterious object that I’m not allowed to touch. I want one. Badly.
Cords or string of any type are accepted. Particularly if they’re attached to something valuable. Don’t try to trick me like Mama does – I know which ones are the good ones and belong to electricity.
If you can manage it, can you please bring me some balance? I’m not really sure what that is, but Mom says I need some before I can start walking and so if we could hurry that process up, I’d really appreciate it.
I’d also like to stop wearing clothes. And shoes. And hats. And diapers. And all of those other silly things that I keep having to wear and I don’t like. Babies were meant to be naked. I know this since I’m a baby.
A cup of coffee. Yet another mysterious object that I long for and can’t have but Mama and Dad have all of the time. That’s just really not fair.
Thank you, Santa. Oh, and if you could accidentally forget and leave a reindeer behind at my house when you bring my coffee, computer, and waitress, I’d be okay with that. I think one would be fun to ride and the dogs don’t care much for being ridden and even though I pull their fur and ears really hard, they sill don’t like it. Maybe the reindeer will be better.
Happy Christmas. (I heard you say that in “Arthur Christmas” and it sounded really nice)
In addition to the Saurus’ wish list, Santa also got a copy of our Christmas card so that he could see how adorable the little guy is and bring him all the things his little baby heart desires. We also wanted to share our card with y’all…I absolutely love these photos even though the dude decided that smiling wasn’t his favorite that day. Photo cred (and many, many thanks) goes to Lindsey Dutra photography. (And Pictures of Prose for the newborn one)
From our house to yours: Merry Christmas! We hope that it is overflowing with joy, merriment, and cookies.
Also, I’ll be (hopefully, finally) getting around to re-opening my Etsy shop at the beginning of the year and have some really fun things planned – including selling make-your-own cookie mixes and offering calligraphy and envelope addressing. So, if you liked Santa’s letter, I’ll have the ‘Saurus address your envelopes and write your Christmas cards, too. Because, obviously, he wrote that…it is his letter…that kid has suspiciously excellent penmanship….