the great funfetti fiasco

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I’m on a mission…

A very important mission, one whose importance grows with every failed batch of cupcakes: funfetti.

I’m making a cake for my sister-in-law’s wedding (which is going to be the best ever, fyi). The happy couple’s request? Funfetti. I’m thrilled about this because funfetti really is the best cake in existence. Especially when you pair it with the vanilla frosting from the can. And easy to make from scratch. Or so I thought.

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Over the last two weeks, I’ve made an astounding number of cakes. Well, astounding for someone who isn’t a professional baker and should be cleaning her house instead of spilling flour all over the floor. I lost count at a dozen variations. I even made Sweetapolita’s recipe. She can do no wrong. And it was delicious, but not the same as the good ol’ box mix. I tried this recipe, and this one, and every other recipe the Googler provided as well as every combination in between, plus every recipe I could think up and attempt to replicate from the ingredients on the box. No bueno. I even made these ridiculously neon pop-rocks cupcakes. Which were cool, but not funfetti. It is really the pinnacle of all baked goods.

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I haven’t only failed at re-creating the funfetti flavor: I also failed at getting a batch of these into the oven. Somehow, I misjudged the landing, fell short of the runway, and ended up dumping the whole pan of neon batter down the front of the cabinets. This coincided with the time when I was down to my last nerve and last bit of sprinkles. Husband saw my stunned silence, panicked look, and quivering lip and quickly stepped in to help:

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Husband: Look!! You’ve instantly created a hilarious story for your blog.
Me: [still staring wordlessly at the neon rainbow spreading across the kitchen floor]
Husband: This is great! It’s going to be the best story yet!
Me: It looks like a unicorn threw up.
Husband: It looks delicious is what it looks like.  Not going to lie, my first reaction was to laugh at you, but then I saw your face and weighed my options and decided that I want to win Husband Points and be helpful instead.
Me: Good idea.  You’re learning.  I want to cry. This batch had such promise. And it was neon swirled. Such a waste.
Husband: Yessss….HUSBAND POINTS!  And it’s not a waste. It’s fantastic. Just make more.
Me: I’m out of sprinkles.

With that, I went to go get cleaning supplies and turned around to find Husband happily licking the cabinets and ‘Saurus covered in neon.

Husband: Look, we’re helping! Told you it wasn’t a waste. This is delicious.

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And that is, sadly, a fairly typical day in the Hunter House.

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The closest I’ve come to creating funfetti is a plain cake I made with the addition of a packet of instant vanilla pudding. Which kind of defeats the purpose of making a homemade cake if you just make a cake with packets of fake stuff. I’ve decided that it’s all of the preservatives in the box mix that make unbeatable. Turns out, preservatives are delicious. I might have to re-think my foodilosophy.

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The happy news is that there is a delicious funfetti cake out there: it just happens to come in a box. And I’m okay with that. My sister-in-law’s wedding cake will probably come from a box. And she’s okay with that. Everyone wins.

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And by happy accident in all of my trial batches, I created sugar cookie cake. Which, in turn, became sugar cookie truffles. Which, in turn, were devoured. So, not a total funfetti failure.

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sugar cookie truffles

2 C pure cane white sugar
2 1/3 C flour, sifted
1 Tbsp corn starch, sifted
1 Tbsp baking powder, sifted
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp vanilla
1 Tbsp milk
3/4 C water
1/3 C oil
3 eggs
1/3 C rainbow sprinkles

1 can vanilla frosting (yum!)

2 pkgs vanilla CandiQuik or other melty substance for candy coating

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Combine all ingredients in Kitchen Aid and turn it on. Mix until combined and pour into cake pan. Any size will do – it’s not supposed to look pretty.
3. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.
4. Allow to cool, then crumble cake into large bowl.
5. Stir in vanilla frosting until thoroughly combined and gooey.
6. Roll into balls and freeze for about 20 minutes.
7. Melt CandiQuik and dip frozen balls, coating completely. Set aside to cool.
8. Decorate with all of that leftover neon food color you have….

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3 thoughts on “the great funfetti fiasco

I love comments. Did you also threaten to burn down your kitchen? Do you know how to get dogs (or ducks) to stop digging holes? Please tell me about it.

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