i should just stay in the kitchen

I realized today (again) that I am not very good at keeping promises. I say things like “I’ll tell you about it later” or “more on that story to come” but I never really get around to the later. Well, this is the later and I’m finally keeping my promise. Finally.  It started here when I had chalkboard paint on my pants and sat on the couch and now have chalkboard paint on the couch.

Also, this story involves me failing miserably at a do-it-yourself project and I know how much you all like those. Husband sure gets a kick out of them. I mostly get angry and say things that shouldn’t be in my vocabulary. He laughs, I pout and vow never to try to save us money again. It’s worked out well for us so far. I still keep attempting things that turn into giant failures and Husband still keeps laughing. He says I should just stay in the kitchen. I throw socks at him. And then have to go pick them up. I never learn.

But anyway, the story goes something like this:

I saw this adorable girl’s blog and wanted to be like her because a) she’s an adorable pregnant person and b) she’s super crafty. I had a convenient memory lapse as to my actual body type and skills but whatever. I would later be very depressed about this but at the moment was super excited about my new project for baby. She allegedly used chalkboard paint and an old painting to make her chalkboard. I’m convinced she used magic.

For my attempt number one, I figured I could just paint a piece of balsa wood and make a frame out of crown moulding. Sounded simple. Martha Stewart showed me how to use old latex paint to make my own chalkboard paint and I found some magnetic stuff so that would be even better, right? A magnetic chalkboard. This was going to be awesome. All for $20! Turns out, I’m a horrible painter and Husband is even worse with a saw so that project ended up in pieces and I ended up in tears.

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Then I was gone for two months so fast-forward. For try number two, I simplified my ideas and just bought a big picture frame ($30), some foamboard for the base ($8), and some actual chalkboard paint ($8). Unaware of the disaster this would turn into, I happily painted my chalkboard. And I was pretty excited about the result! Yay! Until I tried to erase it. You know what doesn’t come off of a chalkboard-paint fake chalkboard? Chalk. You know what does? Chalkboard paint.

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Still determined, I remembered I had some leftover chalkboard contact paper ($8) so I covered the foamboard with that. Hooray! Only a couple of problems:
1. Chalk doesn’t show up very well on chalkboard contact paper. Sidewalk chalk ($5) doesn’t either. Nor do pastels ($10). I felt really dumb to not even be able to use chalk. That’s just about the first thing you learn in school and I couldn’t handle it. But you know what does show up? These $30 markers. Of course they do.
2. I accidentally broke the foamboard and had to duck tape it back together. I didn’t think it would show. It did.

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So if you’re keeping score, my $20 chalkboard project had now totaled $119 and I still didn’t have one. I could have just bought one for $25 on Amazon.

Finally today I gave up all hope, taped some black paper behind the glass on the frame and called it quits. It’s not a chalkboard and it cost me $100 and 2 months but at least I get to use my expensive markers.

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Don’t mind the glare – I was too frustrated to fix the lighting for a better picture.

Speaking of which, I realized that I am quite fat and not cute as a pregnant person and my handwriting and art skills are lacking so poor Babysaurus only gets 20 weeks of sub-pro chalkboard updates and a grumpy mama. Oh, and I still can’t get the paint out of the couch so I’m going to have to get that professionally cleaned.  Moral of the story – there is a reason I buy things and don’t make them. And hire people to do chores that most people do themselves.

And then I managed to set women’s rights back 40 years when I wore my apron and no shoes all day and set on the couch knitting between batches of muffins.

Husband was right. I should just stay in the kitchen.

You win, life, you win.

 

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