food is mean

I have a love/hate relationship with food. I love to make it but hate to eat it. Well that’s not exactly true; I love to eat things that my stomach hates. I hate eating things that my stomach loves. I also dont like cooking for just me so when I’m left to fend for myself at meals (which is often because Husband and I work opposite schedules most days), I mostly forget. This is bad and leads to many stomach-aches and complaining to Husband. At this point, he’s pretty tired of me being ridiculous and is no longer sympathetic. I don’t blame him.

Me:My tummy hurts.

Husband:What have you eaten today?

Me:Ummmm…..coffee, half a bagel, and a bag of peanut butter M&Ms

Husband:I see your problem.

Me:What problem?

Husband:Are you allowed to eat bagels?

Me:No…

Husband:Are you supposed to drink coffee?

Me:Not really…..

Husband:Have you eaten anything with any nutritional value?

Me:M&Ms are healthy! They have peanut butter. That’s protein!

Husband:How big was the bag of M&Ms?

Me:Not small….but it was hot outside. I had to eat them all or they would melt in the car.

Husband:Your inability to feed yourself is astounding. I really am amazed that you are still alive.

Me:I’m great at surviving. There was that one time where I lived off of raisins and a power bar for a week

Husband:And it took you 3 months to recover.

Me:Whatever. I love peanut butter m&ms. I just want to be normal and eat actual food!

Husband:Coffee, half a bagel, and peanut butter M&Ms are not normal food for anyone.

Me:Nutrition is hard.

Husband:How can someone who spends half of her time in the kitchen be so terrible at feeding herself?

Me:Food is mean.

Now, apparently, Husband has designated food monitors for when he’s not home to make sure I eat the right things. What a guy.

Before I get 50 emails, I should tell you that I am healthy and do eat actual food most of the time. Don’t be concerned, I’m just telling you a story I thought was funny.

Oh, and I made this. And it was fantastic but I tried to accomplish it in 45 minutes. It worked but I didn’t take any pictures. Which is okay since it wasn’t very pretty. But it was tasty! I subbed out the crust for my gluten free one and added some ginger and brown sugar instead of white. You should try this-perfect for summer.

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I love comments. Did you also threaten to burn down your kitchen? Do you know how to get dogs (or ducks) to stop digging holes? Please tell me about it.

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