technology is not my friend

I wrote this hilarious and amazing post today. It was pure blogging genius. And then the internet took it. I don’t know where it went but it’s gone and Husband says it’s never to return. I hate technology. Which is rather ironic considering that my house is like The Jetsons’ and all of my appliances talk to me. It’s rather creepy, actually. I heard something beeping the other day and it took me 15 minutes to figure out I had left the freezer door open. I checked the doors, windows, cars, phones, microwave, oven, washer, dryer, computers, tv, bluray player, wii, Xbox, and 19 other various beeping things to figure out what it was. Ridiculous. Don’t even get me started on the remote controls. I have an entire box of them. Husband wrote me an instruction manual for turning on the tv. Watching it is beyond my comprehension but at least I can turn it on now. And as if that weren’t enough, we bought a new blu-ray player yesterday. Yay, more beeping things. This one doesn’t have a remote though, which is handy. You control it with your phone. So now when I lose my phone, I can’t watch Disney movies anymore. I can’t win.

We’re like the Jetstons, but with fewer maids and more pets.

Husband also decided that when I drive, I need to pay more attention to the road and less attention to answering emails. Psh. Apparently there are laws about things like this. So he bought be a yellowtail. No, greennose. No, bluetooth. That’s what those things are called right? Those annoying little pieces of plastic that sit in your ear. I HATE those. Who thinks they’re so important that they have to literally have their phone in their ear at all times?! And I’m pretty sure they give you cancer. But Husband says it’s important that I don’t die and I only have to use it when I’m driving. I still don’t like it but am not planning on dying any time soon so I guess I’ll obey. Except that I can’t figure it out. I took it out of the box and put it in my ear and nothing happened. Husband said I have to turn it on. Oh. Then he said words like “sync” and “link” and “you have to charge it”. So that was the end of that adventure. The yellowfin is still in the box. I’ll let you know if I get brave enough to get ear cancer anytime soon. Doubtful.

UPDATE: I tried to send an email using the Rednose. What I said was “Sorry I can’t make it to the meeting and don’t have time to commit to anything else right now” and what it typed was “I would love to head that committee and do have 30 extra hours a week.” Clearly it’s defective. No one understood that the evil plastic technology was responsible.


I love comments. Did you also threaten to burn down your kitchen? Do you know how to get dogs (or ducks) to stop digging holes? Please tell me about it.

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