technology is not my friend

I wrote this hilarious and amazing post today. It was pure blogging genius. And then the internet took it. I don’t know where it went but it’s gone and Husband says it’s never to return. I hate technology. Which is rather ironic considering that my house is like The Jetsons’ and all of my appliances talk to me. It’s rather creepy, actually. I heard something beeping the other day and it took me 15 minutes to figure out I had left the freezer door open. I checked the doors, windows, cars, phones, microwave, oven, washer, dryer, computers, tv, bluray player, wii, Xbox, and 19 other various beeping things to figure out what it was. Ridiculous. Don’t even get me started on the remote controls. I have an entire box of them. Husband wrote me an instruction manual for turning on the tv. Watching it is beyond my comprehension but at least I can turn it on now. And as if that weren’t enough, we bought a new blu-ray player yesterday. Yay, more beeping things. This one doesn’t have a remote though, which is handy. You control it with your phone. So now when I lose my phone, I can’t watch Disney movies anymore. I can’t win.

We’re like the Jetstons, but with fewer maids and more pets.

Husband also decided that when I drive, I need to pay more attention to the road and less attention to answering emails. Psh. Apparently there are laws about things like this. So he bought be a yellowtail. No, greennose. No, bluetooth. That’s what those things are called right? Those annoying little pieces of plastic that sit in your ear. I HATE those. Who thinks they’re so important that they have to literally have their phone in their ear at all times?! And I’m pretty sure they give you cancer. But Husband says it’s important that I don’t die and I only have to use it when I’m driving. I still don’t like it but am not planning on dying any time soon so I guess I’ll obey. Except that I can’t figure it out. I took it out of the box and put it in my ear and nothing happened. Husband said I have to turn it on. Oh. Then he said words like “sync” and “link” and “you have to charge it”. So that was the end of that adventure. The yellowfin is still in the box. I’ll let you know if I get brave enough to get ear cancer anytime soon. Doubtful.

UPDATE: I tried to send an email using the Rednose. What I said was “Sorry I can’t make it to the meeting and don’t have time to commit to anything else right now” and what it typed was “I would love to head that committee and do have 30 extra hours a week.” Clearly it’s defective. No one understood that the evil plastic technology was responsible.

and then the firetrucks came…again..

It’s obviously been quite a while since my last post. Apologies, but I still don’t have time. Don’t worry, you’re not missing much-I haven’t cooked anything new and my house is getting dirtier by the minute. In lieu of a post about the weirdness that is my life (because frankly, I don’t have time for that), here is an email I wrote which would say basically the same thing anyway:

Why hello!

So the status of that box of yummy things that was “on its way” last week has regressed and is now in a holding pattern while I wait for enough time to bake goodies. Sunday looks promising. 🙂 It will be there…eventually….

Since I last talked to you my life has taken a turn for the crazy. Not in a bad way, just in a busy way. I’ve been flying more and more which is great for my job but not so great for free time. Additionally, I decided to finish out another BA and stupidly took two classes this 8-weeks. I figured 6 hours was no big deal. I was wrong. It’s a lot. Particularly since they’re 400-level and require an immense amount of reading and writing which is my least favorite activity. I’m really enjoying what I’m learning so it’s not tedious, just time-consuming. And I’m playing on the squadron soccer team so there’s another 10 hours out of my week. AND i’m pt-testing in 2 weeks which always puts my stress level through the roof. Naturally, stress relates to eating more chocolate which brings even more stress because my pants don’t fit. lol. Whew! I realize this doesn’t seem like a ton because you’re even more busy and doing lots and lots of stuff, but little me is on overload. Also, I have a severe sinus infection that will not go away. Icky. So that’s my life in a nutshell. 🙂

Other than all that, everyone is good. Husband is TDY for a couple of weeks getting training and he’s having a great time drinking a lot of beer. I’m not sure how much training is actually getting accomplished. While he’s gone, I’ve been letting Ranger and Tonto sleep on the floor next to me instead of in their kennel. They seem to know it’s a priviledge and are being on their best behavior which is a relief. Chuck and Welly are a hoot (or quack, I guess) and still can’t fly. But Chuck thinks he can so he likes to be picked up and then wants to jump out of your hands and flap his wings. It’s too funny. He pecks at my leg until I pick him up, then he flaps really hard and I let go. Then he runs back around to do it all over again. He thinks he’s flying but he’s really just falling and flapping at the same time. Except today when he forgot to flap and I dropped him on his head. Oops. Thankfully he was okay, but he was sooooo pissed. When I bent down to make sure he was okay, he grabbed my hair and wouldn’t let go. And then he gave several indignant quacks to make sure I knew what I did was wrong and I was being punished. Haha. Through all of this, Welly was calmly digging holes in the backyard. Ducks are weird.

Last weekend I met Mom and Dad in Atlanta (they say HI!) and had a great time. But the trip home was ridiculous. I left like 4 hours later than I meant to so wasn’t going to get home until like 1am. Naturally to combat my stupidity, I stopped at every Starbucks I could find and consumed my body weight in espresso. I was awake but the OD made me a little jittery and I had to pee every 20 minutes. Anyway, I was about 30 minutes from home when I started smelling smoke. I look around and notice the guy in front of me has sparks coming out of his tailpipe. And of course we are the only 2 cars on the road since it’s midnight on a Sunday in backwoods Alabama. But sparks and gasoline are a bad mix, so I lay on my horn and flash my lights to get him to pull over. By the time he notices, flames are now coming out from under the car and i’m freaking out. By the time we pull over, his car is legit on fire and I’m about to pee myself. and then, just as we’re getting out, his car explodes in a giant fireball. Whoosh! It was intense. like a movie stunt. Now I actually do pee myself (just kidding) and call 911 but I was so shocked all I could say was “ummmm…………………….we’re going to need a firetruck…..and maybe some marshmallows.” Apparently when I’m freaked out and OD’d on espresso, I turn to inappropriate humor with 911 operators. But anyway, the firetrucks came and put out his car and all was well. No one was hurt but I’m pretty sure the guy’s car insurance company is going to drop him. Also, when the neighbor girl fed the dogs that night, she accidentally left the front door open and the security system called the police so they were waiting there when I got home to check everything out. Everything was fine, but I had to talk to the police twice in an hour for two completely unrelated incidents. So that was my Sunday…..
And I suppose that’s sufficient news for now. I’m going to go do some work now. And by that I mean, sit in the office and do homework. Yay!

And here are some pics of the kids, because I know you really care.